The Day after Old Trafford

After that sleepless night, it was time to head up to the airport for flight FR666, the place was crawling with dirty mancs and I had the pleasurable company (NOT) of most of them on my flight to Brum and then on the train to Manchester, which was hardly what you could call a scenic journey.

Anyway fuck all that shite.

After arriving at Manc Piccadilly station to be greeted by my drinking buddies for the evening, one gooner and ye a fucking manc, that looked like Frank Gallagher (Social outcast from Shameless the TV programmes that highlights the similarities of Manchester to the rest of the 3rd world) it was time to check out the room, ye you know, open the door and fuck the bag in then close it again.

One thing that I do actually like about the UK is the chain of Wetherspoons pubs that sell you cheap as fuck wine, beer and spirits. Currently they have a real ale promo on where you can get a decent ale or porter for £1.69, which normally I would go for as I don’t mind a decent pint now and again, but I will stick to flavourless yellow shite called Carling for today as I plan to binge drink my way to old Trafford. A good few pints and were on our way.

Old Trafford – Theatre of diving Bally Dancing Cunt Ronaldo.

I have been here before but didn’t really remember much, except the last time I had a better view.

This is 2 rows from the back.

It was my gooner mates first time here and he was really looking forward to an “electric atmosphere” which you would expect from any home team in CL Semi, but no, the only thing that was electric here was the fucking flood lights. I have to say the only time you got a word out of the fuckers was when they scored, a couple of clapped hand for the shots by Rooney and diving cunt, but that was that. And people say the Emirates is like a library, not compared to this fucking morgue.

Okay we know what the game was like, hail Almunia the legend.

Another point to refer to is the booing of Adebayor in the second half, I was a bit shocked I don’t care how bad a player is on the night you should never boo them, anyway 30 seconds after that he got his first shot in and the boo boys turned into emphatic singers, two faced bastards. Fact when you’re playing up front on your own against manure it’s a very hard lonely job, as was the same away to Villarreal.

Match over and then for the walk back to manc central. Managed to witness an “incident” and then onward to the pub.

After match drinking in the pub.
After any match it is compulsory to drink yourself silly, I have a gold medal in this. So it started back a Wetherspoons for a drink all you can before half 11 job. Not that I should have been worried as good mate Kealo had given me a couple of tips on late bars. His first suggestion was bang on, The Salisbury, bottles of Newcastle Broon for only £2 and a bit of heavy metal music on the juke box, except for one thing, I don’t mind Metallica music but if I had managed to get my hands on the prick that played the same song at least 7 times I would have ripped the juke box off the wall and fucked it at him.

It was getting late on at I was at the stage of “I need two pieces of bread with some meat and salad stuffed in between”, which granted, opens up the world to KFC, MacDs and my favourite of all; a greasy doner kebab.

But know, I was with Ally.

Those of you who know Ally will completely understand the following.

With no burger bar or kebab shop in sight, Ally told me he was going to ask a taxi driver where the nearest one was. I have been in this position many a time with him, that I don’t bother now and before he has even asked the question I just get in the taxi and wait for the famed question-
“Can you take us to the best Indian restaurant in Manchester” (Manchester can be substituted for any major European City; we’ve been to most of them).

So we were taking down to the “Curry Mile” and sent into a restaurant that advertised that it had been on BBC programme about the “Curry Mile”, that sold it to Ally, until I pointed out that every other fucking restaurant had the same sign up, “Shut the fuck up you, and order” was the response.

Next part won’t be much of a shock either “2 cobra beers”.

Anyway what was a thoroughly delicious curry last night, has had both of us visiting the jacks on a regular basis already.

After the curry it was back to the hotel, normally in situations involving “the best curry house” were dropped in the arse end of nowhere and 6 mile walk is required home, thank fuck there was a taxi rank outside as at this point we resembled two rubber bands. Sleep.

“Good morning Ally” I said
“Fuck you, you smelly arsed cunt” he replied
“You chose the fucking curry house!” I exclaimed
“I’m going for a shit” he came back with.
“So it’s not just me then, ha ha!” Too end it.

And then we parted company heading in opposite direction to get trains and planes back home.

To Summarise
Well I had a fucking great time but I always do when me and Ally are on tour, going without each other just isn’t the same we’ve been doing this for years now, and no doubt years to come in fact its only 12 years until his son reaches drinking age and gets promoted to the ranks (that’s how long we’ve been doing this, when you can say “only 12 years”).

As for the match, we lacked something; Ade upfront on his own was hard, because our midfield got bogged down at the back cleaning up defensive errors that we rarely got going forward. Nasri and Diaby didn’t know where to play but fair play to Song and Cesc. The back 4 gave away to much space, that little cunt had load of space on the wing, however Toure done his bit. And as for Almunia, the jury has been out for years but we came to except him, but last night he joined an elite band, he put in a world class performance, something the lads down Kate’s thought he couldn’t do. Well done Almunia, Capello will be on the phone soon.

The tie is far from over but we have to up our game, if we are to progress. Bizarrely the happier of the managers will be Wenger as Fergies Fuckers should have buried the tie after 45 minutes. Anyway there is a small matter of Portsmouth to contend with this weekend, im not going but have a man at Fratton Park, I warned him that it is a sailor boy shit hole, hope he survives.

Until Next Time (probably tomorrow).

Gunner On Tour

It has to be a first for me, I can’t sleep, it half past four in the morning in Dublin and I’m tossing and turning in bed. I hit the sack about half an eleven only to wake up to the mother of all fucking nightmares, it was half time at old Trafford and we were down 3- nil, holy shit!
There’s just no way I'm going to get back to sleep now.

I’m flying to Birmingham about lunchtime most people on that flight will be shitting themselves, flight number? FR 666!!! But me, no, in the last 16 in Rome, I stayed in room 666 in the hotel which was good enough to get us through on peno's.

I’m still debating on the wear colours/ no colours, as I like to travel light, but I think both plain clothes and colours will be required. Colours for the match and no colours for the after match drinking binge.According to pintprice.com the average price of a pint in Madchester is £2.50 (€3.00) but I’m sure I will find some shitty dive that’s cheaper, keeping the spending down but the drinking up.
As my good travelling buddy hails from the Channel Isles so I’m about to be awash with cheap fags also. He can buy 400 for £35(€40) on his flight to Manchester! Now that amount of cigarettes in Dublin will set you back a whopping €167, how the fuck has this country got no money with taxes like that?

For tonight’s match you can more or less guess the likely line up

Almunia, Eboue, Toure, Djouro, Gibbs(50%/50%), Song, Denilson, Fabregas, Walcott, Nasri, Abebayor.

As long as Denilson and Song hold strong at defensive midfield we can go there and nick a goal, after all the spuds went there and bagged two!

I let you know how I get on.

Gunner on Tour

Well I’m a lit late with this post missed yesterday as my Internet connection was banjaxed .

Anyway i had the day of yesterday and got out of bed at a late hour. There was no bread in the press which fucked me off as I need my toast and butter in the late morning, so I headed up to the local rip off Spar to buy a loaf, I could have sworn that i seen Gareth Southgate’s name on the packaging but then I looked again and it said “Thick Cut”, a well only one letter missing.

Gareth has told the world that he couldn’t think about quitting as it would scar his kids memory, fuck I thought the fact that he was an ugly bastard would have already done that, poor little cunts are going to look like him.
Gareth people quit their jobs every day and the majority of them move on to bigger and better things but if you quit, your finished, hence the fact your prolonging the agony before you get sacked.
I can’t believed he compared quitting to suicide! Half his fucking team must be suicidal by now after working with that prick so long.
We all know why he is digging in when he should fuck off, if you quit, you get fuck all if you get the sack you get your contract paid up. How many years left 2 or 3 is it? With that sort of money you don’t need to work again, well he probably fucking wont anyway.

RVP out for the visit of Boro and also away to Manure, but good news is Manuel Almunia is back in full training and hopefully we will see him on Sunday as i don’t think Fabianski has the confidence at the moment after Chavski and the 4 goal fuck up at Scallyland, well wasn’t all his fault up there but no keeper wants to have 4 put past them, after giving away 2 goals in cup semi.
I'm still pissing myself at tractor boy Roy, people may have question the none Arsenal post, but fuck ya, "Richard Wright the goalie full of shite" and St Moritz Volz are now in the Ipswich team, so there is a couple of ex gooners to help fuck Roy up.

Later

Gunner On Tour

Keano the Tractor Boy

Today i was about to lay into Garreth Southgate, but hes got lucky thank to Keanos move to Ipswich. Must be a Cork thing all them tractors and that.

Keano said

"I'm delighted to have joined Ipswich, there are lots of country lane ways where i can go dogging, er sorry walk the dog. Ipswich is a great team full of washed up premier league has beings and players that promised so much and delivered fuck all, which is just the sort of team i was looking for, as when i fuck it up, they cant put the blame on me. My first signing will be that lad (Craig Gordon)at Sunderland that i wasted 8 million quid on only for my mate Ricky to stick him on the bench. Craig son, I'm coming to your rescue! I will also sign anyone that has a grandmother from Cork, build a small rebel army and demand that Cork is made the capital of Ireland as we know it should be."

On another note Ryanair boss said he was "delighted" and "cant wait" to start charging €500 for return flights to the new Ipswich Airport he is building.

He said

" Yeha! I always new Roy would be a saviour to Ryanair. After he left Sunderland i was stuck with to many 737's, i mean every other week i ripped the piss out of Keano fans by charging them a fucking fortune to fly from Dublin and Cork to Newcastle, so i bought more planes to carry the Muppet's and i also quadrupled my bulls eye baggies order to get them all locked on the planes to take the pain out of watching that shite they call football at the Stadium of Light. But with this global economic fuck up i was starting to shit myself that the planes wouldn't be full, but thanks to Roy we can now go ahead with Ipswich International Airport. We have bought some land from Farmer Giles, hes going to give us a hand to get things up and running for the next home fixture against Coventry. With the runway not due to be built until 2082, Mr Giles has kindly donated a field to land the planes on, he has also provided an old cattle shed that will serve as the terminal building and he will push back the planes with his tractor, all in all very similar to the current Ryanair experience. So Keano fans, book on line now before i double the price!"

One things for sure Gunner On Tour can now go to the away match at Sunderland next season(maybe not, as they might join Roy in the Championship) without the fear off sitting with a load of plastic football fans and without O'leary charging a fucking fortune.

Until Tomorrow

Gunner On Tour

4-4 at Shitfield

Well that was some game! I was a tad of the mark with my 2-1 prediction but i was right that with out Gerrard the pool would concede goals. Everyone thinks him as an attacking midfielder but in fairness he does a bit more than that by making the pool donkeys at the back look good, pity Fabregas couldn't do the same!

The score line flatters Liverpool a bit as we clearly gifted them 3 goals, we looked shaky at the back but at least the Pole stayed in the goal. Manure will pish all over us next week unless we tighten up.

I know we play great football but i don't give a flying shite if we aim for row z at the opposite end of the ground when it comes to clearing the ball from our own box.

Arshavin is proving his worth, what a great way to say to Wenger "You wont leave me on the bench again!"

The pub was quite busy last night but it was dubiously filled with "neutral" colours before kick off leading to my paranoia that they were all scousers, one of the lads said we would find out when Arsenal scored the first goal; and we did, silence from the scouse cunts, which aloud me to run at them at a hundred miles an hour pissing my hole laughing at them.

Rule Number One in an Arsenal Bar.

If you are supporting the opposition don't turn up. If you do turn up, sit in the corner and keep the mouth shut or i will shut it for you.

I'm told that Kates Cottage will be manc free next week, a massive gunners crowd is expected, so i urge you all to turn up wearing YELLOW, firstly because its an away match and secondly in a crowded room we will be able to play spot the manc, if one of them is stupid enough to sneak in however you probably smell the shit before you see him, either fuck him/them out.

Next up is the Boro and Southgate at least the team is like the mangers name, because they are definitely heading fucking south and i don't mean to the Emirates. If they go down i cant see them returning, their more likely to do a Charlton and forget to pull the cord on the parachute and keep going down.

Until Tomorrow

Gunner On Tour

Its Up For Grabs Now...

Well maybe not for Arsenal, but playing at Anfield tonight should bring back the memories of 20 years ago when we went there and won the league.

The scousers will be well up for it tonight and it should be a cracker, one thing about Pool is without Gerrard they always concede, so let hope we fuck up their aspirations to be champions, but then again that leaves it to scum to walk away with it i hate being stuck between a rock and hard place.

I'm not traveling to this match tonight, but a couple of mates are using my tickets, I hope they get to see another victory, one things for sure they better watch their motor -

Old Scouse Joke
Little Scouse Fucker "Mister do you need some one to look after your car?"
Mister "No kid the dog will look after it"
Little Scouse Fucker "Mister can the dog put out fires?"

Liverpool is also the only city in Europe where you want to be clamped, it stop the fuckers from putting you car on bricks.

There shouldn't be any trouble at tonight's match as all the Scouse fuckers will be saying "calm down, calm down, alright calm down"

I'm predicting an Arsenal win of 2-1 providing the Pole stays in the goal.

See you in Kates Cottage.

Gunner On Tour

A Strange old week.

Its normally a game two halves but it was also certainly a week of two halves as well. After a glorious performance in mid week against Villareal it all went to pot on Saturday against Chavski.

Arsenal v Villareal. 15th April 2009

Well what a game! I don't know where to start. It was a long old day for Gunner On Tour with am early start for the flight to Gatwick which was delayed for an hour, but that extra time gave me and the lads much need extra drinking time at the airport.
Once arrived in London it was up to the ground to collect the tickets, its not the same, you don't feel right until that piece of paper is in your hand. Anyway the offices were closed and didn't open until 6 p.m. which partially screwed up the plans for the day, well my drinking plans anyway. After not collecting the tickets that afternoon it was time time to check into Fawlty Towers, believe me this is Fawlty Tours, without mentioning any names it is on the Seven Sisters Road up from the Twelve Pins, it has strangely became a second home for me over the years for some reason it keeps drawing me back.
Well all settled into the room i.e. open the door and fuck the bag in, it was down to the pins for the pre match beers. Once all the troops had met up it was down the road to The Gunners Bar for some pre match singing which only include a rendition of Arsenal Number Nine and a couple of Eboue songs, sad as we are that's all we seem to muster up at the moment, well Sean anyway, the leader of the Choir of rough Dub voices.

Sean get another fucking song will you!

I don't have to go into the match as you would have all seen it but we had our usual cracking view in Block 117 in the upper tier above the away fans, where Sean and his heavies continued belting out Eddie and Eboue songs.

Sean get another fucking song!

I was a bit pleased with myself as i predict the 3-0 scoreline in my last post prior to the match. First blog prediction gives me 100% record, happy days.

After the match it became a late one in the Blackstock for most of us, while 3 of the number headed back to Stansted, fair play,they had to get the the first flight back in the morning and back to work, except Sean who is paid by the state to watch Sky Sports all day.

Thursday was a bit frantic as the scramble to book the flight for the away leg at Old Crappord. As Dublin is full of fucking scum most of those cunts take up all the cheap seats to Manchester, well fuck you lot i got a cheap flight to Birmingham and will train it up to the Northern shit hole.

With so many flight to London it was relatively cheap to fly to Gatwick again for the second leg. I'm looking forward to both legs and I'm pretty confident that we will fuck them over.

Arsenal v Chelsea. FA Cup Semi 18th April.

Before the match i really thought we could make the final confidence was and we were playing great football, that continued up until Theo scored but after that we were a fucking nightmare and Fabianski looked like a Sunday league goalie. Tired and jaded is no real excuse but chin up we got some great games coming up, with us still having to play the top 3 we will have a big say in where the title goes.

Until Later

Gunner On Tour

Villarreal @ Home

After last weeks trip to Villarreal and the piss poor view we had of the match, im much looking forward to my normal seating area back at The Emirates, which just like last week is above the Villarreal fans.

As the pre match ritual goes, beverages will be consumed in the twelve pins, there are 14 in our travelling party, which gives me ample oppertunity to talk up my drinking ability in Spain and rub it in on just how cheap the beers were.

Im flying fisher price airlines from Dublin for the match, these flight are generally on time allowing the the most annoying cabin crew play the most stupid jingle ever, oh the joy of of cheap air travel, more on them later.

In the match it self were likely to see their midfield crumble with no Senna and i just think we will have to much for them at home provided the library croud get behind the team.

Prediction 3-0 Arsenal if not more.

Until Thursday or Friday depending on the hangover.

Why Now?

Its a bit fucking stupid starting a blog about Arsenal away matches when we are approaching the end of the season, but by the time i get the hang off this shite and learn to type with more than just one finger it should be approximately August just in time for Arsenal's first away trip, probably in some northern shite hole around the north west or god forbid the north east, but then Shearer, Southgate and that pleb with the stupid name who runs the makams should all be safely in the Championship.

There will be nothing better than watching Alan "elbow man" Shearer fuck up his boyhood heros, but then Keegan the bottler made a good start at his second atempt.

I fucking hate Geordies.

Until later.
G.O.T.