Manure are shite

The real questions will be asked after tomorrow big date with them fuckers up north. No Cesc but thats evened out as there is no pot to piss in either, sorry Ferdinand is out.

Its our real first big test so a big performance is need especially without Fab.

Lets be honest we'd take a draw, but fingers crossed we come away with all three points, that would fuck their season up no end.

I wont be there ive got to do this stuff called work.

On another note, i have been busy booking up the away legs of the champions league. Cheap flights to Brussels with Fisher Price Airlines (€30 return) but the robbing Belgian bastards in Leige are wanting over €70 a ticket! Who do they think they are? Arsenal ?

If you ever need to get the in the mood for a champions league match then listen to the video, over the last 10 years or so following Arsenal in Europe, this is what floats my boat and i always try make sure I'm in the ground before this starts, its the perfect pre match vocal warm up. Now Arsenal can we get something similar for home league games?

Celtic @ Home EASY EDDIE!

On day relaease. The guy in red was taken back to hospital and put back in his straight jacket.

There should be a video here but its taking 10 hours to load it check back again and i will get it up soon

Well Arsenal duly deliver last night against a pile of crumbling shite.

Even if Eduardo did get blown over by a big gust of wind the tie was never in doubt, Celtic fans get over it, really, get over it.

Think about it, you couldn't score one goal against us at your so called fortress, so how the fuck did you think you were going to score 3 at a real fort.

The match was pretty much an Arsenal dominated affair, the only way you could tell that Celtic turned up was that their shirt blinded you.

And at last Arshavin is on the score sheet, which should see him up his game, perfect timing.

The only sign i could see of the "Arsenalisation" was the new white seats that form a big cannon on what would be the "east" stand or on the join of the blue and green quads.

Not much to report on the drinking front except it was pretty dull my fellow gooners who were on tour were a couple of pussy's who had left their drinking hats at home. Zippy Zeb was arse holed after a couple of poncy pear bulmers, Baker John was knackered( he done a full shift at work from 4 am in the morning before the match, fair play ), Ally just wanted a fucking kebab and the other 2 clowns were pissed before the game (see above)

I did have a bevvy with a couple of Celtic fans, when we got back to the hotel, I decide to nip out for a ciggie and was confronted with half a dozen Celtic fans with a carry out, I naturally obliged by drinking as much as i could without offering to pay for it.

Our reward for pissing all over Celtic is a trip to Greece (home of the Kebab), a visit to Belgium(home of beer) and an outing to Holland ( home of all things a single man wants but cant get legally at home)

Hallelujah, that's one hell of a Gunner On Tour prospect! Beer, Kebabs and special cigarettes!

I'm of to drawl over flights to the continent.

Celtic @ home and Arsenalisation

ARSENALISATION

Arsenal (after 3 years) have decided to add a bit of colour to the concrete bowl on Ashburton Grove, they have already started putting up hoardings in place around the ground (inside beside the catering units), also as mentioned at home to Pompey everyone was giving a free scarf to help in creating an atmosphere.

Now I'm glad Arsenal have taking this step all be it 3 years late, we have had to endure fans moaning that "Its just not Highbury" etc etc.

I hope the same fans and all the others, myself included follow the clubs lead, after all the club can give us flags, scarves etc but we need to provided the vocal element if we want to turn the Emirates in to a place to be feared.

At Celtic last week their fans may have been quiet but at least at the start of both halves the got the scarves out and belted out one of their songs, what do we get? Fucking Elvis bleating "The wonder of you" we might as well wrap the opposition up in cotton wool after hearing that.

So tomorrow night I'm looking forward to seeing how many of the 57,000 scarves are held up high, 10,000? 20,000? 30,000? or the whole lot ? I'm an optimistic person, but you get the feeling that only the small crowd(Red Action) huddled in the lower orange quadrant will be the ones waving scarves tomorrow night. If I'm right i will be the Loan Ranger in the upper green above the Celtic fans waving my scarf around my head.

Come on Gooners lets REALLY get behind the team.

CELTIC @ HOME

Wholesale changes to the squad, no Fabregas ( fingers crossed he's fit for Saturday) are on the cards, one eye on finishing the sweaty socks off, another on going to Old Crappord on Saturday.
But know matter who starts we need an early goal to kill of any thoughts they have of trying to do the same thing.

Walk in the park? No. Victory? Yes.

Stick a fiver on Van the Man for first goal, as i am.

12 goals in 8 days

Well a cracking start to the season continued with another goal feast yesterday, this time at the Emirates.

Hapless Portsmouth were on the receiving end of 2 blistering counter attacks in the first 20 minutes which sorted out the men from the boys. Admittedly they also got the ball in the back of net while Almunia took an afternoon nap.

Both Diaby's goals were great moves. Eduardo, was that really him or was that Usain Bolt, awesome pace as he trotted past the Pompey right back

His second was a lesson in art of long passing at high tempo, unbelievable.

Now sing "Willie Gallas is a mate, is a mate, he hates Chelsea!"

What part of the body is he going to score with next? not content with tapping the ball in, he used sublime skill to score with his nose!

And to cap a good day at the office we embarrassed Portsmouth even more by letting 18 year old Aaron Ramsay skin David James.

I wasnt expecting changes to the line up but Wenger made 4 changes, most noticable being Diaby, it may only be one game but what a performance!

Rock on Wednesday and a my first trip of the season to the Emirates, watch out for more videos and photo's of the happless Celtic.

New Shirts

Man city have decided to be the first club to put players names on the front of the shirt, which contravenes all Premier League policy. Manager Sheik Almak Hughes commented on the new shirt.
" Ye we know its against the rules but were so fucking rich that it doesn't matter what they fine us, in fact we've got so much money we might just buy the premier league and tell all the other clubs to fuck off."

A greedy bastard can be seen modeling his new shirt below.

Pompey @ Home

After back to back away matches, its time for the first home game of the season against Portsmouth, how do i think the game will go?

Here's my answer - Paul Hart is 4/1 with Paddy Power to be the first premiership manager to get the sack this season.

Surely after such decent performances in the last 2 matches coupled with the fact that pompey have had 2 pretty bad hammerings, this should be a stroll, but you never know, that's the beauty of football.

What should be fun at the game is every Arsenal fan will get a free scarf. This part of the plan to make a better atmosphere at the ground, "Arsenalisation" is what their calling it. I wonder how many of the scarfs are on ebay tomorrow.



No new injuries( unbelievable considering Celtic tried to kick lumps out of us) but Wenger could start with Diaby and maybe Eduardo just to rest players. I wouldn't bother resting players its to early in the season, at this stage you want the guys to be racking up the minutes on the pitch and building a bit of believe in the team, so i would like to see the same team as Tuesday, if it ain't broken don't fix it!

A new song should be heard around the ground today,

To the tune of the Adebayor song

"Hes five foot four, hes five foot foooouuuurr, we've got Arshavin, fuck Adebayor!"

So here's to three points and a merry weekend.

Celtic Away

You’ve only come to see the Arsenal!

And they did, they only come to see us.

Celtic fans keep banging on, along with their Glasgow rivals that they should be in the Premier league, but Tuesday night they proved that they would be way out of their depth in the world’s top club league.

In fact you only have to look back to last week’s Scotland international to see the quality they don’t have in their team, half the Scotland team came from the Championship with a couple from the 2 “big” Glasgow clubs; in other words their best internationals are no better than championship level.

Leaving Dublin at 6 a.m. in the morning was a chore, especially since it was the second time in 4 days. I think the hardest part was the fact that it was going to be another 11 hours before I hit Glasgow.

It took 3 modes of transport to get there bus, boat and train.

Bus journey all quite, nothing to report, except if you ever want to go to Belfast use the Aircoach as I did, great service and it actually gets there on time unlike that shower Bus Eireann who are always late and results in you missing your connection. Reminds me of Aer Lingus and Iarnród Éireann the train provider. Hmmm I see a picture developing here....

Boat. Oh fuck. I arrived at the new swanky Stena terminal in Belfast to be greeted by a sea of green and white shirts. I naturally encountered a good few jeers and boo’s, but I was to have the last laugh, at least twice. After a pretty smooth ferry journey, ended with the start of a 2 ½ hour train journey. I thought I had been cunning by cancelling my bus reservation to opt for the train, why? Alcohol of course, no drinking on buses but you can on trains. But this must have been the first train I have been on that had no trolley or restaurant car; I was going to be starved of drink. But things changed for the better and this is where I was to get one up on the West Belfast posse. I had bought one of these meal deal things earlier in the day and ended up with 2 500ml bottles of cokes that got buried at the bottom of my bag.The Northies, quick to spot a bargain, had bought a litre of vodka on the boat, but as they had been too busy drawling over the vodka they had forgot to buy mixers. Several attempts were made to drink it neat but they were getting nowhere with that, it was like watching a junkie without a fix.

I couldn’t resist pulling out the cola and sitting the bottles on the table. It only took about 3 seconds and a deal was done and I came out on top 500ml of coke for 500ml of vodka, what a steal! But it got better! The greedy fuckers had polished off their lot within 10 mins and there is me sitting with 2 500 ml plastic bottles of strong vodka and coke, so using my Scottish bargaining skills, I swapped one bottle for a packet of Marlboro lights. Brilliant! It was only after we got into Glasgow that one of them realised that they’d been stung!

Pre match drinking was limited, the pubs were packed but I did manage to get me and the old boy into one pub whilst the tic posse queued to get in. We met fellow Gooner and long time traveller Baz in the boozer, if you don’t know Baz, he wears a shirt with half the home and half the away kit sowing together, this can also be said for his shorts and he wears one of each sock. Baz is a Gooner legend.

Anyway on to the ground where, believe it or not I met the Arsenal stewards. Yes lads you know who it was and you know who frisked me. To those who don’t know this I always bump into a female steward home and away, everywhere across Europe, she’s a great laugh and imp sure she could tell some stories about us lot. But there’s nothing going on. Honest.

So into the ground, I was expecting a great atmosphere but the fuckers must have been shitting themselves and we only got 3 songs out of them. 1 at the start, 1 at the start of the second half and another during the second half.

“Where’s your famous atmosphere” was sung vibrantly around the away end; we were the atmosphere.

No matter what anyone says we were all over them, and the Celtic following told us they played well. But they never had a hope in hell of scoring. Arsenal in my opinion played good but not spectacular. Like Everton on Saturday Arshavin wasn’t in the game, but wait until he starts firing on all cylinders, we can only get better. The big difference was we won every individual battle and turned it into a big team performance. The goals might have been lucky but we were always going to score.

I have to say not all Celtic fans are dickheads, we managed to bump into a good one after the game and as we were lost he drove us to a pub that was near our hotel, fair play mate.

The following day boat journey was fun, I just grind like a Cheshire cat for the whole journey and tried to sell the lads their Marlboro lights back!

Great to see the Clarets turn over the Mancs the other night!

Next up, three points from Pompey.


Ten minutes to go and Arsenal fans chant "Is there a fire drill"
The start of the second half where the attempted to role out a big banner but as you can see they could only get the orange part down, ha ha! The Scottish club with the Irish flag absolute muppets

Toffees Away

Well you ask for 3 points and Wenger dually delivers.

I mentioned subbuteo the other day and that’s what the Toffees were like, a bunch of motionless sticks rooted to the spot.

Pre match drinking started in a Wetherspoons. Sausage and bacon don’t really go well with cold lagers, but it had to be done.

Before heading to the ground I made a brief visit to official away fan pub “The Arkle”, next to that other trophy less home on Merseyside. It was a bit of a shame as I walked in just as that twat with his sky blue boots scored for Man City, I was just waiting on him kissing the badge.

After seeing the Arsenal team line up I was a little concerned, was this going to be the Barcelona 4-3-3 that Wenger craves, or was it going to turn into the nightmare 4-5-1 that has happened every other time he tries this.

Thankfully without Greedybayor and Toure it did work, why? Well for starters our defence looked solid new boy Veramelean partnered well with Gallas without any slap stick comedy defending, allowing Song and Denilson to play football, Kolo who? And secondly no greedy sulking bastard up front, but three stars that played well and understood each other.

The goals were excellent, Denilson’s curler was a peach which was created by great work by number 52; and both centre backs took their headers well all be it unmarked. The first of Fabregas’s goals was a typical Arsenal counter attack full of speed and accurate passing something we have been missing. His second was a great run from inside his own half and he motored on unchallenged before shooting from outside the box. Eduardo had to get on the score sheet too, poaching a goal after Arshavin had hit the upright.

Despite Fabregas playing a blinder, for me it was Song that stood out he muscled his way throughout the game and looked really confident, if he keeps this up we will have a fantastic midfielder on our hands, but just when we’ll need him most he will disappear to the African Nations Cup.

All in all it was a very positive performance and we couldn't have wished for a better start, but let’s keep the feet on the ground, there’s no trophy heading to the Emirates just yet.

From an Everton point of view the only player that stood out was “Fillaini the Fanny” only because he needs a haircut.

So sign on sign on, with a pen in your hand, cause you’ll never get a job, sign on, sign on! And shove that up you Lescott.

Finally there were a good few new songs floating around and being sung at 120 decibels but for the love of me I can’t remember them.

Next up Celtic away, the road and boat trip to Glasgow.

Like a Kid at Christmas

Do you remember Christmas Eve as a child ?

Hoping you'd being good all year to get that subbuteo set that had Arsenal and Aberdeen as the same squad. Well these days are long gone and i bet your kids are now asking for an playstation 3 with a football manager game.

But as an adult Christmas Eve happens every week, normally on a Friday, hoping Arsene Wenger and the boys are going to deliver 3 points, i just hope they've been good in training.


Someone who has been misbehaving recently is former gunner and now a cunt spud, David Bentley. Drunk driving.
He joins an illustrious school of former Arsenal knob heads, Jermaine Pennant and Cashley Hole to name a couple.
Now people bang on about Wenger not bringing on or signing(Wallcot an exception) enough English lads, but can you blame him? Their all fucking liabilities, show them a fast car and a pint of lager and their brains explode or in Cashley's case your arse starts singing the Nokia tune.
Viva la France! Clichy, Sagna et al before never had this problem despite being from the home of wine.

Tomorrows curtain raiser has got the usual match coverage on www.arsenal.com but follow this link http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/bettorlogic to have you completely fucking confused, stats like that do nothing for me. What is .84 of a goal? does only .84 of the ball cross the line? Well it might make sense to you lads but it wiped me out.

Dublin airport tomorrow pints at 6.30 am, flight to scouseland at 8 please feel free to join me at the bar.

Follow this link for red action for a guide to pubs in Liverpool -

http://www.redaction.org.uk/awayguide.html

Cheers and heres to 3 points tomorrow!

At last, the beginning!

A summer of shite weather no longer matters because in two days time Arsenal are back in business.

Everton

I cant think of better opposition than this shower to start our season, giving the fact we have a small journey north past Hadrian's wall to make next week. A physical dirty bunch of bastards is just what we need to toughen us right now.

I cant see anything other than Everton getting a good spanking as Arsenal look to lay down the challenge to the other 3 members of the Premiership elite. With the emergence of Abu Dabi City a lot of pundits are beginning to right us of and and thinking we'll only come 5th, what a load of fucking nonsense.

It Finally Happened

I have been waiting on this Champions League match for years now and when it finally comes around its only a qualifier, sorry a Platini Playoff. Celtic have got right into a frenzy stating that their match tickets wont go on general sale, so you have to buy a season ticket. Down at the Emirates its a bit different you could still buy a ticket this morning.
All in all a good pasting await Glasgows finest. I'm certainly going to enjoy travelling to this match, as I'm on a boat trip via Belfast. That should be fun; A Scotsman Arsenal fan and a boat full of West Belfast Celtic fans, fuck it i will get a six pack and lock myself in the shitter.

Fulham Away

Over the summer i was going to bang on about some of the lovely away trips coming our way, but i didn't have enough info to share. Anyway here we go, as expected there will be a nice little boat trip up the Thames to Putney Bridge for Arsenal fans, where we can taking in the sites , Batersea Power Station, The Houses of Robbing Bastards, The London Eye etc etc or you can just go to the bar drink a shit load and spew your guts up over the side and make a lame attempt blaming it on sea sickness.

West Ham Away

The lads at REDaction are doing a bed push from The Emirates to the Boleyn Ground, i don't mind joining in as long as I'm the one in the bed. If not,it is a great way to work up a thirst for a couple of pints and some pie and mash.

All in all,a fantastic season full of cracking football and high jinx awaits.