Gunner On Tour

Bye Bye Phil Brown (cunt)

2010-03-15T19:18:00.003Z

Good to see that Phil "i have an orange tan" Brown has finally been fucked out of Hull, if there was anyone i hated with a passion it was that fecker. Rumour has it he has been offered a job by Willy Wonka in the Chocolate factory.

Uninspiring FA Cup defeat/ Bring on the Villians

2010-01-26T15:40:00.002Z

At some point during any season Gunner On Tour has to face something on his travels, something that he'd rather not (not a 30 stone brazzer then!?!?) Defeat. It happens at some stage even in the unbeaten season there was still defeat in the cups. Defeat on the telly is annoying, defeat when your actually there is sickening. That pent up adrenalin that you have been building up all day becomes a long bitter journey home.

As expected Sol was in the starting line up, with loud singing of-

"Double, double, Sol Campbell has won the double and the scum from the lane have won fuck all again Sol Campbell has won the double" well he wont be fucking winning it again.

" deh deh deh, Sols a gooner!" i wish he fucking wasn't.

He and the rest of the Muppet's in our back 4 on Sunday all started well but come the 75th minute, they were proper found out, game over.

It was good to see Fabianski in goal,now i know why Almunia gets a game, because the Pole in the Goal should go bury his head in a hole, useless cunt.

Watching Skysports news, it seems that young lad from Fulham, Chris Smalling, has joined the Mancs, another promising defender missed out on, ah but sure we've got Sol, fucking haha!

On a plus note Sami Nasri and the Great Dane are back in the squad for tomorrow night and Song will be back for the manure game. Nasri is much needed he just seems to be one of our better attacking options at the moment.

Villa will be without a few key players tomorrow making 3 points easily achievable for the gunners, we ll know this and the next 4 games are all "must win" games.

On a pleasant note Rio "i dont have a pot to piss in" Feridnand, has been hauled up by the FA over his handbags at ten paces action against Hull, if found guilty, he will miss Sundays match, which would be a nice bonus.

If anyone want to join me in the Woolshed tomorrow feel free, like last week i plan to sing the house down so bring your lungs along and getting singing!

See ya tomorrow!

Bolton Away, Trotters, Boat Trips and Bolton Home

2010-01-21T09:38:00.002Z

A bit of a mental 3 days for the gunners but even after last nights heart in mouth match, we come out on top, ye proper on top, above your bitch on top, Top of the League! Its been a while since we've been able to say that.

The week started with a trip to Bolton where the single men of the group of us were looking to pull a trotter (nickname for Bolton and now nickname for the fat ugly birds up there).

Well the birds were so fucking ugly it wasn't worth missing a few pints over.

In typical away match fashion the travelling support belted there lungs out here are a few that were pelted at the Bolton fans-

"Theres only one Gary Megson, one Gary Megson!" They didn't fucking like that.

After there response of some shite about Owen Coyle it was followed up by "Should have stayed at Burnley, should have stayed at Burnley"

But the song of the day and possible the season, was about our favourite cunt this year-

"Adebayor, Adebayor, he used to like coach trips, not any more!"

Pure genius, unless your a complete knob and say he used to like boat trips?!?!?! Ye you know who you are, muppet. That's like me saying in your world I'm Going to William Powers for a punt.

That heart stopping match last night was just pure magic, well except the first 40 mins, but super Thom started the ball rolling, you just knew once we got the goal before halftime we were going to do it. The second was sublime, its about time we fucking took out someone from the opposition, especially Bolton, they've been kicking lumps out of us for years, shower of wankers.

I watched the match in the Woolshed and i have to say it was some bloody atmosphere! I give myself 10 out of 10 for that and the boys weren't bad also (except Tony)

Savour the moment, "WE ARE TOP OF THE , SAY WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE!"

Next up for Gunner On Tour, Stoke away in the cup, see you there on Sunday.

Everton@home

2010-01-10T17:34:00.005Z

No need to do post mortum on this game, 2 points drop an we played shite

Anyway some news on our goalkeeper

Our current keeper......

Our new keeper.......

Arsene has decide sticking a big lump of snow on the goal line is better than a big lump of shite.

2010-01-06T13:10:00.003Z

Its been a long time since i blogged but i have more time on my hands at the moment, no longer think I'm going to kick the bucket and i think I'm safe from armed robbers for the time being.

So the first post of the New year has to be about them shower of wankers in the box office or whoever is responsible for making the Porto home game a grade "A" fixture, what fucking ass wipe decided this?

Porto ??? hardly Barca!! and with our banks throwing our money away who the fuck could be bothered to pay over £60 for a ticket that will be £43 for Man City.

Robbing Cunts, with a capital "c".

Fulham Away and the rest i missed

2009-09-27T21:26:00.000+01:00

Fulham Away

A pretty much solid display in the art of goalkeeping and defending by the guys but i bet most of you like me were shitting yourself toward the end well done to Gallas, who was excellent, i wanted him to leave at the beginning of the season, but hes made me eat my words now! And Mannone was superb, keep up the good work and Almunia will actually have to try and be a keeper.

Wigan and West Brom Home

Both matches seen both Arsenal teams in cruise control, its actually hard to believe Wigan done Chelski yesterday because what i seen had them joining Portsmouth going down

Off the Ciggies

I'm off the ciggies as i mentioned early, i smoked for a good 12 years and had no medical issues, I'm off them 12 days now and Ive got fucking Bronchitis, sods law.

Below are some more Liege pics courtesy of John the Quite Man and a couple from the Cottage yesterday.
A view from the away end at Craven Cottage

The boys celebrate Van Persie's goal

Below is a few more pic from Liege

This must have been early in the day as we look grand!

What a fucking idiot in the hat, just remembered i bought them!

Fuck i didn't know it got this bad!

That guy on the right is a fucking clown

Now Ade could have been i the bottom corner if he hadn't been such a cunt

Below are a couple of vids from Fulham, a bit of a sing song and Arsene turning out late for the second half, the FA will probably want to ban him for life for that!

No blog posts for a while

2009-09-25T21:17:00.002+01:00

There have been no post this week for a couple of reasons

1. Im on holiday

and

2.I om off the fags and if i start ranting on a blog i might want a ciggie.

Anyway i hope to update after the Fulham game, my first trip to Craven Cottage so keep your eyes open.

Im now of to fuck my television through the window to release some of that pent up aggression that nicotine withdrawl does to you.

Liege Away Report

2009-09-18T19:46:00.003+01:00

This was more like a game of Monopoly than a game of football. Liege rolled the dice first and landed on "community chest" The card read "Its your birthday receive 2 goals from the other player". Arsenal obliged. A bit more dice rolling and the property tycoon that was Arsenal eventually out done the first time buyer, as Arsenal rolled the dice, landed on "chance" and got a get out of jail free card.

The match was a shocker, Diaby is taking the stick but Fabregas wasn't much better, in fact only 2 players stood out Rosicky and Bendtner. I don't know what would have happened if we got beat.

Anyway in typical Gunner on Tour I/we met another Goooner on the plane that took the tally to 4 of us. A small number from Ireland. Our new travelling companion was Dave, a pro golfer from the arse end of Ireland(Kerry) well that's where he lives, hes an Englishman. And he is a complete and utter head case. So naturally he fitted in well.

The local brew "Jupiler" was quite tasty but had the ability to send you to Jupiter, if you drank enough.

After checking the bags into the hotels and after a couple of Jupiler it was time to collect the tickets from the stadium. The Stadium looks like something from the land that time forgot its hard to believe that it was only upgraded a decade ago for the Euros. Tickets in hand we headed for the nearest bar, as soon as we rolled in the chairs were taken away the glasses and glass ashtrays were replaced by plastic ones, what a fabulous welcome!

Anyway we drank the fucking place dry.

As we know, the game wasn't up to much but in all my travels i havent came across an atmosphere like it. The home fans were unbelievable. At the opposite end from where we were the stand of 3 tiers was rocking for most of the match and most of the time they were bouncing up and down it was some site.

Anyway game over and it was back to the city centre for a few more Jupilers where we met a few more gooners and drank the night away.

Next up for Gunner On Tour, Wigan at home.

Dave the header on the left and the quite man john

One of the local attractions waiting on a bus kept us entertained for about 20 mins

Liege Calling

2009-09-15T12:24:00.003+01:00

Greetings from Holland

Well Saturday was a fucking disaster, when you thought the cunt couldn’t get any worse he did. 12 match ban please. There is an unwritten rule in football; when you face your former club and score a goal you clap your hands a give your team mates a hug. Nowhere does it say run like a fucking lunatic the length of the pitch to celebrate in front of fans that are booing you. Ade you fucking muppet we pay thousands a year to watch our team and pay lazy cunts like you millions, we are then entitled to call you a greedy hungry bastard.

Any way over here in Holland I decided to cheer myself up by going to watch Ajax v NAC Breda (only €25 a ticket, premier league take note). What a one sided affair Ajax were 4 nil up at halftime and it finished 6 nil. I don’t know much about Dutch football or the players who play in the League but what I can say is watch this guy “Louis Suarez” I have no idea where he is from but he was a total menace upfront, on the left, on the right and through the centre, in fact I couldn’t figure out what was his best position as he played a blinder all over the place.

Back to Arsenal and a small matter of the first Champions’ league group match, away to Liege, it isn’t exactly a must win match but 3 points away from home would be a great start and it is just what the boys need to get the heads up after 2 very unlucky away defeats. Gunner on Tour will be there alongside the "2 Johns". Mmmm Belgian Beer......

It was good to see Rosicky get a few minutes under his belt on Saturday and also grab a goal, its one less of the injury list and with Arshavin only out a couple more games I see some healthy competition coming up in the fight for a starting place and when Nasri makes a recovery, only a few weeks away, Arsene should have a dilemma in his hands and I haven’t even mentioned Walcott!

Michael "the twat" Platini seen sense, well maybe wasnt him but at least UEFA made the right call on Eduardo eventually, better still they look like complete fools now.

Below is s pic of the Ajax Arena and the new Ade T-shirt exclusively available from Gunner On Tour

Champions League Revisited Part 2

2009-09-15T12:14:00.002+01:00

Panathinaikos away 20th October 2004

I have an unfortunate ability to bump into people I don’t want to meet on away trips and this one was no different.

My journey from the Channel Isles required the mad dash across London between Gatwick and Heathrow to change between 2 BA flights. I made it with ease. I was lucky that when I checked in, it was a friend of mine who done it, she works for BA and a nice little upgrade to business class was given on the London - Athens flight, thank you very much. Well maybe not. Boarding the plane I was looking forward to being treated like a chav for the journey, you know free food and free bar. But as I took my seat I had to look twice at who was sitting next to me, fucking David Pleat! David fucking Pleat ex spud. Okay who’s taking the piss, I thought my mate had stitched me up, there was no fucking way I was sitting next to him for 3 ½ hours. I did ask to be moved but it was a no go the plane was full of gooners and press, I even thought of asking if I could be put beside the baggage. All I could think of was to bury my nose in a paper and hope he never opened his mouth. I got away with that much, knocked backed a couple of mini bottles of champagne and a few g and t's in the space of an hour an passed out, didn’t have to listen to him once, however I have a feeling he had to listen to my arse singing, a lot of bubbles in champagne!

I arrived in Greece and the sun was splitting the pavement, I was the stupid cunt who was wearing jeans and a woollen jumper, don’t ask, I looked like a fucking idiot. Even ITV picked it up on camera and beamed it around the world before kickoff.

Before the match a few beverages were consumed in a pub next to the stadium, I was on my Jack Jones so I had to make a bit of an effort to speak to some fellow gooners. Anyhow there was another gooner on his own so I got talking to him, this was about to be the start of something mental. Roy was from Norwich and he was quickly nicknamed Norwich and to this day still is. I was nicknamed stupid cunt in the jumper.

Well, myself and Norwich had a blast that night, starting with the game. The stadium is open air and on the small side but unlike other away grounds where you have a security ring around the ground they had a ring of kebab stands around it.

The game was entertaining and remembered as the game of two Edu’s. They had an Edu who scored both their goals and our own Edu grabbed one of ours in 2-2 draw.

Then the fun began.

I met Norwich back in the boozer after the match and we drank a fair few until about 3 in the morning we were chatting to a couple of Greeks and when the bar closed asked them to show us a nightclub, they looked at us with raised eyebrows. Nightclub = strip club in Greece, we should have asked for a Disco.

Anyway the 2 Greeks said they would take us to a club, one of them went and got his jam jar, a very impressive Audi TT that had me and Norwich crushed on the back seat. So they drove us to the night club When we rolled up at the entrance to the club there was an 8 foot penis pissed as we were we just laughed and had our photo taken with the thing, it turns out that this strip club also catered for women every 3rd or 4th performance on stage was done by Stavros the Chippendale. It was €25 to get in, they paid for us, it was a €10 a bottle of Heineken, and they bought every round all night (A Scotsman’s dream!) they also paid for the “extra services” of the waitresses! I reckon it cost them about €400 for a 2 hour drinking binge with us.

Anyway after that it was up the airport for a 7am flight, “cheerio boys!” we said they replied “see you for the return leg in London, you can look after us there!” ye will we fuck we thought, we gave you the wrong phone numbers.

And that was that, nobody ever believed this story but in the last 16 of the same year I met Norwich again and he told the exact same story to my mates, who had to eat humble pie. I still see Norwich at most matches he just a complete header like me when it comes to the Gunners. Respect.

At Last, Back to the real football

2009-09-11T12:45:00.002+01:00

After all that mickey mouse shite during the week its glad to get back to the premiership.

But first, to all the Ireland fans who have been rubbing it in to me that Scotland didn't qualify, fuck off and think of these few points

1. I don't and have never followed International football(i may watch the odd game but not usually Scotland)
2. Ireland haven't qualified yet either and i don't fancy your chances in the play off after watching a shite performance against Cyprus.
3. Those of you who think you'll beat Italy, i bet you don't and if you do i will walk from the Twelve Pins to Shite Hart Lane with my willy hanging out.
4. Its only the English that are allowed to brag about winning the world cup after winning a game.

Rant over

Now Citeh, we all get excited about Spuds, Chelski and Manure, now we've got another shower of shit to hate, and the greedy cunt is a bonus.

Its very hard to predict a line up at the moment due, a few of the squad are a still travelling back from internationals (thank fuck we don't have any Ireland Internationals as travelling back from Thomond park is like walking blindfolded through a kitchen knife shop).
Arshavin out for the next 3 games, ye he was need to play all 90 minutes against Wales, yes Wales a team that play at a ground capable of holding 72,000 but only 11,000 turned up, that's how much faith their fans had in them in a mickey fucking mouse game. So why play Arshavin for all that time, fuck Gus Hiddink.

The greedy cunt says he feels the Citeh love.

He said this

"After just a week at City, I could feel that the supporters believed in me and were willing me to do well," he told The Guardian.
That meant " I cant believe the fans were willing to pay extra for season tickets to watch me cause I'm shite"

"They sing songs about me and they love me. I'm so happy because I'm really enjoying myself again. I certainly feel very at home, very comfortable.
Translates as "The away fans sing songs about me being a cunt and I'm really enjoying my new bank balance"

"The staff and the supporters have made me feel very welcome and I think that is being reflected on the pitch. Now I want to repay that faith and love."
Which meant " Hughes gets down on his hands and knees every night praying to fuck i score goals or he's out of a job. Now i want to repay that by fucking off in 2 years for European football"

Enough of that shit

3-1 Arsenal, greedy cunt booed of the park.

Later

Champion League Revisited - Part One

2009-09-04T00:57:00.002+01:00

Inter Milan away 25th November 2003

This was a special one for me, I had been on many away trips to Europe and beyond before, but this time I was more or less a sole traveller. I had offered all my mates in the supporters club in the Channel Islands a chance to go to this match; but they opted to go to Fulham at home a few days later, how wrong were they!

If you remember Inter rolled up at Highbury a few weeks previous and gave us a lesson in football by spanking us 3 nil, even the most optimistic fan was fearing the worst as we headed to the San Siro. This match was critical it was shit or bust for Arsenal and even then 2 weeks later they might still have it all to do against Moscow, even if they beat Inter.

My day was long, a flight from Jersey to Gatwick, a world record bid transferring from Gatwick to Heathrow and then onto Milan. Flight to Gatwick was uneventful and landed on time at 8:15 am but my next flight was leaving Heathrow at 11 am by some magical reason I made it to Heathrow by 9:30 am; don’t ask me how even I don’t know how that was possible, I even managed a pint at Heathrow!

A lot of messing about seen me eventually arrive in central Milan at about 5 pm, I knew a lad who was also going and arranged to meet him in a certain “English bar” but when I rolled up it was packed and they were letting nobody in, I banged furiously on the window to my mate who had his back to the window but this was like bullet proof glass; alas he couldn’t hear me, so no entry for me.

Fending for myself I roamed the streets to find a watering hole. I eventually found one amidst the pissing rain (the game was nearly called off due to this 5 day down pour). I sat down and ordered some beer; I was the only gooner in site and stood out like a sore thumb. I got chatting to a couple of Italians about the same age as me, this was one of the most bizarre conversations I have ever had; I can’t speak Italian and one of the lads couldn’t speak English so we chatted in Spanish! They were AC Milan fans and the beer flowed despite me being a little cautious. Eventually I had to make my way to the ground and being completely lost didn’t help so one of the lads said he would take me to a taxi rank! Alarm bells rang but I had no choice, Arsenal were playing. I took the chance on measured calculations; I was bigger than him and if he tried it on he was brown bread. Bu no he was great, taking me to a taxi rank via many a dark alley way where he could have stuck a knife into me. That’s real football fans helping each other out.

I arrived at San Siro just in time to witness the champions league anthem, what followed was the first British club to win their in over 30 years, and boy did they win! A 5-1 drubbing! A master class by Thierry Henry and composure by Ljunberg and Pires and edu and Aliadere and the whole fucking team! Class!

But it just kept getting better; we were held back in the ground for over 90 minutes, we even had STATO (remember him from Frank Skinner and David Badiels fantasy football show?) appear on the touch line during our wait; we duly sung “Stato give us a wave” and he did!

We eventually got out the ground and all 3000 gooners marched towards the underground only to find it was closed, but the Italians had no choice an eventually opened it up and put a train on for us, or was that a sardine tin?

Back in the centre I got chatting to a couple of gooners who invited me to join them for a celebratory beer back at the Hilton Hotel they were staying in.

In the Hilton I met the late Jeremy Beadle who would have thought he was a gooner! I also got to meet the great Smudger - Alan Smith, what a night! The beer flowed and I ended up leaving the Hilton about half 4 for a 7 am flight back to London, you might have noticed I never booked a hotel or stayed at one, I merely drank in someone else’s hotel, ah the joy of a European tour!

That night changed me, it was the start of a commitment or a vow – If I could be at an Arsenal match I was going; money/holidays/work came second from that day on and still do.

Arsenal forever, forever Arsenal.

2009-09-03T17:26:00.002+01:00

After Saturday’s mishap it takes a bit to get back into the groove. We were very unfortunate not to take all 3 points, but that’s football, and Darren Fletcher is a cheating cunt.
I don’t think it will affect their confidence to much, so lets move on an forget it

This whole diving furore is taking the piss now, a 2 match ban? Fuck me what next a 2 match ban for a yellow card, because that's all it was. Come on Arsenal take them fuckers UEFA on!
A bit of noise floating around today about a certain song sung by mancs about Wenger. Fucking disgusting and worse still you can buy it on Amazon, but don’t.

I think if i recorded a version of “Who’s that lying on the runway” they wouldnt fucking like it. Songs against opposing teams and mangers are allowed but please spare us the sickness.

All quite on transfer deadline day, probably to be expected, but wait for a couple of signings in January as that when Wenger does his main spending , you just have to look back over the years to see that.

International so nothing for me to rave about, i hate international football, but then i am a sweaty sock! So I'm going to roll back the years with some interesting posts of champions league matches from the last 10 years first up will be the 5-1 massacre of Inter Milan, stay tuned.

Manure are shite

2009-08-28T18:47:00.003+01:00

The real questions will be asked after tomorrow big date with them fuckers up north. No Cesc but thats evened out as there is no pot to piss in either, sorry Ferdinand is out.

Its our real first big test so a big performance is need especially without Fab.

Lets be honest we'd take a draw, but fingers crossed we come away with all three points, that would fuck their season up no end.

I wont be there ive got to do this stuff called work.

On another note, i have been busy booking up the away legs of the champions league. Cheap flights to Brussels with Fisher Price Airlines (€30 return) but the robbing Belgian bastards in Leige are wanting over €70 a ticket! Who do they think they are? Arsenal ?

2009-08-28T13:34:00.003+01:00

If you ever need to get the in the mood for a champions league match then listen to the video, over the last 10 years or so following Arsenal in Europe, this is what floats my boat and i always try make sure I'm in the ground before this starts, its the perfect pre match vocal warm up. Now Arsenal can we get something similar for home league games?

Celtic @ Home EASY EDDIE!

2009-08-27T18:15:00.006+01:00

On day relaease. The guy in red was taken back to hospital and put back in his straight jacket.

There should be a video here but its taking 10 hours to load it check back again and i will get it up soon

Well Arsenal duly deliver last night against a pile of crumbling shite.

Even if Eduardo did get blown over by a big gust of wind the tie was never in doubt, Celtic fans get over it, really, get over it.

Think about it, you couldn't score one goal against us at your so called fortress, so how the fuck did you think you were going to score 3 at a real fort.

The match was pretty much an Arsenal dominated affair, the only way you could tell that Celtic turned up was that their shirt blinded you.

And at last Arshavin is on the score sheet, which should see him up his game, perfect timing.

The only sign i could see of the "Arsenalisation" was the new white seats that form a big cannon on what would be the "east" stand or on the join of the blue and green quads.

Not much to report on the drinking front except it was pretty dull my fellow gooners who were on tour were a couple of pussy's who had left their drinking hats at home. Zippy Zeb was arse holed after a couple of poncy pear bulmers, Baker John was knackered( he done a full shift at work from 4 am in the morning before the match, fair play ), Ally just wanted a fucking kebab and the other 2 clowns were pissed before the game (see above)

I did have a bevvy with a couple of Celtic fans, when we got back to the hotel, I decide to nip out for a ciggie and was confronted with half a dozen Celtic fans with a carry out, I naturally obliged by drinking as much as i could without offering to pay for it.

Our reward for pissing all over Celtic is a trip to Greece (home of the Kebab), a visit to Belgium(home of beer) and an outing to Holland ( home of all things a single man wants but cant get legally at home)

Hallelujah, that's one hell of a Gunner On Tour prospect! Beer, Kebabs and special cigarettes!

I'm of to drawl over flights to the continent.

Celtic @ home and Arsenalisation

2009-08-25T16:27:00.002+01:00

ARSENALISATION

Arsenal (after 3 years) have decided to add a bit of colour to the concrete bowl on Ashburton Grove, they have already started putting up hoardings in place around the ground (inside beside the catering units), also as mentioned at home to Pompey everyone was giving a free scarf to help in creating an atmosphere.

Now I'm glad Arsenal have taking this step all be it 3 years late, we have had to endure fans moaning that "Its just not Highbury" etc etc.

I hope the same fans and all the others, myself included follow the clubs lead, after all the club can give us flags, scarves etc but we need to provided the vocal element if we want to turn the Emirates in to a place to be feared.

At Celtic last week their fans may have been quiet but at least at the start of both halves the got the scarves out and belted out one of their songs, what do we get? Fucking Elvis bleating "The wonder of you" we might as well wrap the opposition up in cotton wool after hearing that.

So tomorrow night I'm looking forward to seeing how many of the 57,000 scarves are held up high, 10,000? 20,000? 30,000? or the whole lot ? I'm an optimistic person, but you get the feeling that only the small crowd(Red Action) huddled in the lower orange quadrant will be the ones waving scarves tomorrow night. If I'm right i will be the Loan Ranger in the upper green above the Celtic fans waving my scarf around my head.

Come on Gooners lets REALLY get behind the team.

CELTIC @ HOME

Wholesale changes to the squad, no Fabregas ( fingers crossed he's fit for Saturday) are on the cards, one eye on finishing the sweaty socks off, another on going to Old Crappord on Saturday.
But know matter who starts we need an early goal to kill of any thoughts they have of trying to do the same thing.

Walk in the park? No. Victory? Yes.

Stick a fiver on Van the Man for first goal, as i am.

12 goals in 8 days

2009-08-23T18:14:00.002+01:00

Well a cracking start to the season continued with another goal feast yesterday, this time at the Emirates.

Hapless Portsmouth were on the receiving end of 2 blistering counter attacks in the first 20 minutes which sorted out the men from the boys. Admittedly they also got the ball in the back of net while Almunia took an afternoon nap.

Both Diaby's goals were great moves. Eduardo, was that really him or was that Usain Bolt, awesome pace as he trotted past the Pompey right back

His second was a lesson in art of long passing at high tempo, unbelievable.

Now sing "Willie Gallas is a mate, is a mate, he hates Chelsea!"

What part of the body is he going to score with next? not content with tapping the ball in, he used sublime skill to score with his nose!

And to cap a good day at the office we embarrassed Portsmouth even more by letting 18 year old Aaron Ramsay skin David James.

I wasnt expecting changes to the line up but Wenger made 4 changes, most noticable being Diaby, it may only be one game but what a performance!

Rock on Wednesday and a my first trip of the season to the Emirates, watch out for more videos and photo's of the happless Celtic.

New Shirts

2009-08-23T14:04:00.004+01:00

Man city have decided to be the first club to put players names on the front of the shirt, which contravenes all Premier League policy. Manager Sheik Almak Hughes commented on the new shirt.
" Ye we know its against the rules but were so fucking rich that it doesn't matter what they fine us, in fact we've got so much money we might just buy the premier league and tell all the other clubs to fuck off."

A greedy bastard can be seen modeling his new shirt below.

Pompey @ Home

2009-08-21T19:02:00.003+01:00

After back to back away matches, its time for the first home game of the season against Portsmouth, how do i think the game will go?

Here's my answer - Paul Hart is 4/1 with Paddy Power to be the first premiership manager to get the sack this season.

Surely after such decent performances in the last 2 matches coupled with the fact that pompey have had 2 pretty bad hammerings, this should be a stroll, but you never know, that's the beauty of football.

What should be fun at the game is every Arsenal fan will get a free scarf. This part of the plan to make a better atmosphere at the ground, "Arsenalisation" is what their calling it. I wonder how many of the scarfs are on ebay tomorrow.

No new injuries( unbelievable considering Celtic tried to kick lumps out of us) but Wenger could start with Diaby and maybe Eduardo just to rest players. I wouldn't bother resting players its to early in the season, at this stage you want the guys to be racking up the minutes on the pitch and building a bit of believe in the team, so i would like to see the same team as Tuesday, if it ain't broken don't fix it!

A new song should be heard around the ground today,

To the tune of the Adebayor song

"Hes five foot four, hes five foot foooouuuurr, we've got Arshavin, fuck Adebayor!"

So here's to three points and a merry weekend.

Celtic Away

2009-08-21T11:40:00.005+01:00

You’ve only come to see the Arsenal!

And they did, they only come to see us.

Celtic fans keep banging on, along with their Glasgow rivals that they should be in the Premier league, but Tuesday night they proved that they would be way out of their depth in the world’s top club league.

In fact you only have to look back to last week’s Scotland international to see the quality they don’t have in their team, half the Scotland team came from the Championship with a couple from the 2 “big” Glasgow clubs; in other words their best internationals are no better than championship level.

Leaving Dublin at 6 a.m. in the morning was a chore, especially since it was the second time in 4 days. I think the hardest part was the fact that it was going to be another 11 hours before I hit Glasgow.

It took 3 modes of transport to get there bus, boat and train.

Bus journey all quite, nothing to report, except if you ever want to go to Belfast use the Aircoach as I did, great service and it actually gets there on time unlike that shower Bus Eireann who are always late and results in you missing your connection. Reminds me of Aer Lingus and Iarnród Éireann the train provider. Hmmm I see a picture developing here....

Boat. Oh fuck. I arrived at the new swanky Stena terminal in Belfast to be greeted by a sea of green and white shirts. I naturally encountered a good few jeers and boo’s, but I was to have the last laugh, at least twice. After a pretty smooth ferry journey, ended with the start of a 2 ½ hour train journey. I thought I had been cunning by cancelling my bus reservation to opt for the train, why? Alcohol of course, no drinking on buses but you can on trains. But this must have been the first train I have been on that had no trolley or restaurant car; I was going to be starved of drink. But things changed for the better and this is where I was to get one up on the West Belfast posse. I had bought one of these meal deal things earlier in the day and ended up with 2 500ml bottles of cokes that got buried at the bottom of my bag.The Northies, quick to spot a bargain, had bought a litre of vodka on the boat, but as they had been too busy drawling over the vodka they had forgot to buy mixers. Several attempts were made to drink it neat but they were getting nowhere with that, it was like watching a junkie without a fix.

I couldn’t resist pulling out the cola and sitting the bottles on the table. It only took about 3 seconds and a deal was done and I came out on top 500ml of coke for 500ml of vodka, what a steal! But it got better! The greedy fuckers had polished off their lot within 10 mins and there is me sitting with 2 500 ml plastic bottles of strong vodka and coke, so using my Scottish bargaining skills, I swapped one bottle for a packet of Marlboro lights. Brilliant! It was only after we got into Glasgow that one of them realised that they’d been stung!

Pre match drinking was limited, the pubs were packed but I did manage to get me and the old boy into one pub whilst the tic posse queued to get in. We met fellow Gooner and long time traveller Baz in the boozer, if you don’t know Baz, he wears a shirt with half the home and half the away kit sowing together, this can also be said for his shorts and he wears one of each sock. Baz is a Gooner legend.

Anyway on to the ground where, believe it or not I met the Arsenal stewards. Yes lads you know who it was and you know who frisked me. To those who don’t know this I always bump into a female steward home and away, everywhere across Europe, she’s a great laugh and imp sure she could tell some stories about us lot. But there’s nothing going on. Honest.

So into the ground, I was expecting a great atmosphere but the fuckers must have been shitting themselves and we only got 3 songs out of them. 1 at the start, 1 at the start of the second half and another during the second half.

“Where’s your famous atmosphere” was sung vibrantly around the away end; we were the atmosphere.

No matter what anyone says we were all over them, and the Celtic following told us they played well. But they never had a hope in hell of scoring. Arsenal in my opinion played good but not spectacular. Like Everton on Saturday Arshavin wasn’t in the game, but wait until he starts firing on all cylinders, we can only get better. The big difference was we won every individual battle and turned it into a big team performance. The goals might have been lucky but we were always going to score.

I have to say not all Celtic fans are dickheads, we managed to bump into a good one after the game and as we were lost he drove us to a pub that was near our hotel, fair play mate.

The following day boat journey was fun, I just grind like a Cheshire cat for the whole journey and tried to sell the lads their Marlboro lights back!

Great to see the Clarets turn over the Mancs the other night!

Next up, three points from Pompey.

Ten minutes to go and Arsenal fans chant "Is there a fire drill"
The start of the second half where the attempted to role out a big banner but as you can see they could only get the orange part down, ha ha! The Scottish club with the Irish flag absolute muppets

Toffees Away

2009-08-16T17:23:00.002+01:00

Well you ask for 3 points and Wenger dually delivers.

I mentioned subbuteo the other day and that’s what the Toffees were like, a bunch of motionless sticks rooted to the spot.

Pre match drinking started in a Wetherspoons. Sausage and bacon don’t really go well with cold lagers, but it had to be done.

Before heading to the ground I made a brief visit to official away fan pub “The Arkle”, next to that other trophy less home on Merseyside. It was a bit of a shame as I walked in just as that twat with his sky blue boots scored for Man City, I was just waiting on him kissing the badge.

After seeing the Arsenal team line up I was a little concerned, was this going to be the Barcelona 4-3-3 that Wenger craves, or was it going to turn into the nightmare 4-5-1 that has happened every other time he tries this.

Thankfully without Greedybayor and Toure it did work, why? Well for starters our defence looked solid new boy Veramelean partnered well with Gallas without any slap stick comedy defending, allowing Song and Denilson to play football, Kolo who? And secondly no greedy sulking bastard up front, but three stars that played well and understood each other.

The goals were excellent, Denilson’s curler was a peach which was created by great work by number 52; and both centre backs took their headers well all be it unmarked. The first of Fabregas’s goals was a typical Arsenal counter attack full of speed and accurate passing something we have been missing. His second was a great run from inside his own half and he motored on unchallenged before shooting from outside the box. Eduardo had to get on the score sheet too, poaching a goal after Arshavin had hit the upright.

Despite Fabregas playing a blinder, for me it was Song that stood out he muscled his way throughout the game and looked really confident, if he keeps this up we will have a fantastic midfielder on our hands, but just when we’ll need him most he will disappear to the African Nations Cup.

All in all it was a very positive performance and we couldn't have wished for a better start, but let’s keep the feet on the ground, there’s no trophy heading to the Emirates just yet.

From an Everton point of view the only player that stood out was “Fillaini the Fanny” only because he needs a haircut.

So sign on sign on, with a pen in your hand, cause you’ll never get a job, sign on, sign on! And shove that up you Lescott.

Finally there were a good few new songs floating around and being sung at 120 decibels but for the love of me I can’t remember them.

Next up Celtic away, the road and boat trip to Glasgow.

Like a Kid at Christmas

2009-08-14T12:11:00.002+01:00

Do you remember Christmas Eve as a child ?

Hoping you'd being good all year to get that subbuteo set that had Arsenal and Aberdeen as the same squad. Well these days are long gone and i bet your kids are now asking for an playstation 3 with a football manager game.

But as an adult Christmas Eve happens every week, normally on a Friday, hoping Arsene Wenger and the boys are going to deliver 3 points, i just hope they've been good in training.

Someone who has been misbehaving recently is former gunner and now a cunt spud, David Bentley. Drunk driving.
He joins an illustrious school of former Arsenal knob heads, Jermaine Pennant and Cashley Hole to name a couple.
Now people bang on about Wenger not bringing on or signing(Wallcot an exception) enough English lads, but can you blame him? Their all fucking liabilities, show them a fast car and a pint of lager and their brains explode or in Cashley's case your arse starts singing the Nokia tune.
Viva la France! Clichy, Sagna et al before never had this problem despite being from the home of wine.

Tomorrows curtain raiser has got the usual match coverage on www.arsenal.com but follow this link http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/bettorlogic to have you completely fucking confused, stats like that do nothing for me. What is .84 of a goal? does only .84 of the ball cross the line? Well it might make sense to you lads but it wiped me out.

Dublin airport tomorrow pints at 6.30 am, flight to scouseland at 8 please feel free to join me at the bar.

Follow this link for red action for a guide to pubs in Liverpool -

http://www.redaction.org.uk/awayguide.html

Cheers and heres to 3 points tomorrow!

2009-08-13T10:57:00.002+01:00

At last, the beginning!

A summer of shite weather no longer matters because in two days time Arsenal are back in business.

Everton

I cant think of better opposition than this shower to start our season, giving the fact we have a small journey north past Hadrian's wall to make next week. A physical dirty bunch of bastards is just what we need to toughen us right now.

I cant see anything other than Everton getting a good spanking as Arsenal look to lay down the challenge to the other 3 members of the Premiership elite. With the emergence of Abu Dabi City a lot of pundits are beginning to right us of and and thinking we'll only come 5th, what a load of fucking nonsense.

It Finally Happened

I have been waiting on this Champions League match for years now and when it finally comes around its only a qualifier, sorry a Platini Playoff. Celtic have got right into a frenzy stating that their match tickets wont go on general sale, so you have to buy a season ticket. Down at the Emirates its a bit different you could still buy a ticket this morning.
All in all a good pasting await Glasgows finest. I'm certainly going to enjoy travelling to this match, as I'm on a boat trip via Belfast. That should be fun; A Scotsman Arsenal fan and a boat full of West Belfast Celtic fans, fuck it i will get a six pack and lock myself in the shitter.

Fulham Away

Over the summer i was going to bang on about some of the lovely away trips coming our way, but i didn't have enough info to share. Anyway here we go, as expected there will be a nice little boat trip up the Thames to Putney Bridge for Arsenal fans, where we can taking in the sites , Batersea Power Station, The Houses of Robbing Bastards, The London Eye etc etc or you can just go to the bar drink a shit load and spew your guts up over the side and make a lame attempt blaming it on sea sickness.

West Ham Away

The lads at REDaction are doing a bed push from The Emirates to the Boleyn Ground, i don't mind joining in as long as I'm the one in the bed. If not,it is a great way to work up a thirst for a couple of pints and some pie and mash.

All in all,a fantastic season full of cracking football and high jinx awaits.

Bye Bye Greedy Bastard

2009-07-19T12:02:00.002+01:00

At last the hungry greedy bastard has left us. The only problem with it, its a year to fucking late.

I had mixed views of Greedybayor, i long said to the lad that he was heep of shite only to be proved wrong a couple of times, but like most gooners out there after last season antics i think were all glad to see the back of him now.

My only decent memory of him was him scoring the first goal against Newcastle (29/1/08) and Arsenal going on to win 3-0. The odds were 28/1 and i had a fiver on it. In fact i shouldn't have won my bet as the lazy fucker missed 2 sitters in the last ten minutes, it was also at that point that i realised he had the touch of an elephant.

Good luck to him at Abu Dhabi City, hes going to fucking need it when he doesn't to pass to psycho Bellamy, and that's just training. Can you imaging him charging down the pitch in a match only to get the shout from Tevez Munster, fuck me you'd kick the ball into row z and do a runner down the tunnel.

Now Mr Wenger do us a favour spend the fucking 25 million pieces of silver on someone who cant play for the under 10 side.

Northern Uproar

2009-07-12T16:30:00.003+01:00

In a look at our up and coming away fixtures our second and third opponents hail from the capital of shit, Madchester.

First up is United who after selling star bally dancer Cuntaldo for 80 million pieces of silver, the best they can come up with as a replacement is Michael "sick note" Owen on a freebie. What was that about Fergie could spend all the wonga on players? What a load of a shite, but the debt is down from €880 million to €800 million now.

Across at Mosside Shiek al mak Hughes is trying his best to spend the equivalent of the world debt on anyone who wants to earn 150,000 grand a week. The world watches, but the last season one of the "big" signings was Craig Bellamy, need we say more.

Anyway Manchester, shithole of the North, Capital of Crap, the only decent thing to come out of Manchester was Frank Galllagher from Shameless.

Travelling from Dublin for the Man u game is a bit of a mare now that it has been moved to 5:15 pm kick off which means an overpriced flight or an overnight stay. We'll see.

Two weeks later it back up their for a match against the camel riders, but by that time the game might be called off once the Saudis start drilling for oil on the centre circle, come on why else would you buy a pile of shite like city.

Travel to this should be a relatively easy prospect.

Coming up next will be our away games at "home" to Fulham and West Ham.

Not Long to go now

2009-07-02T01:29:00.002+01:00

Well not long to now im counting down the minutes, before i open another fucking beer.

You see its half one in the morning i havent been to bed and im not going to its one of those nights that im satying up, you see im flying at 6 airport at 4 so whats the fucking point.

I had an good night with the Arsenal boys. ihad good intentions of going to beb early btu i get one fucking hell of a rush when im talking Arsenal and it just consumes me and i want stay up alnight and annoy the fuck out of my spuds drinking buddy.

Anyway i was going to start a small travel guide for all you lot that go to away matches. I was going to start it with our first away opposition of the season everton.

So here it is

According to those lovely touristy people in Liverpool heres what their city is about

Liverpool is the capital of culture = capital of smack addicts

Liverpool people are very friendly = after theyve robbed your fucking car

Liverpool airport is named after John Lennon = cause all the pilots who land there need penny rounder glasses cause some cunt has robbed the landing lights

Says it all really

But i come back to my last time in Liverpool for an everton match.

I was in a pub, what a fucking surprise, when i seen the first toilet stuck to the bar counter, a yes some old cunt couldnt be bothered to get out of his bar stool so just pissed himself at the counter. Yes capitol of culture!

Later

ps im so fucking hammered now that i cant be arsed to use the spell checker, im of to my bar stool for a piss.

At Last, the day every football fan looks forward to!

2009-06-17T18:48:00.002+01:00

Come the end of season anti climax, there is really only two days to look forward to -

1. Fixtures released

2.The first game

So the first one is down, an easy away trip to Boggerland team Everton, who will probably have washed up, injury prone, nancy boy Michael "did i ever tell you i played for Real Madrid" Owen.

Gunner on Tour will wait and see before the Fisher Price air tickets are booked, Sky have to come in and fucking ruin the whole draft list, along with non paying toss pots Setanta.

However before Everton we will have our first competitive fixture in the Chumps League Qualifier sorry Play off as them fuckers in Uefa want it called now

I have just realised that a post never got posted it may have something to with the strong lager was drinking last week

So here is briefly what it was

Gunner on Tour Awards 2008-2009 season

Winging cunt of the year - Phil Brown
Stupid looking cunt of the year - Phil Brown
Lying cunt of the year - Phil Brown
I got spat on (not) cunt of the year - Phil Brown
Greedy cunt with no return of the year - Greedybayor
Manager of the Year - Arsene Wenger
Player of the Year - Van the Man

Of course i have to take my hat of to Owen Coyle but sorry you cant get manger of the year cause that's for Arsene.

And drunken cunt of the year - My mate Angus from Coupar Angus. I thought this would go to me but after the Manure away league game i headed for Scotland for a bit of a social piss up. I had in my possession some Green Absinthe. Now Coupar Angus wouldn't be a hot bed for drinks that I'm used to, but the local village idiot (Angus) likes to drink shots of Green Apple Schnapps with his mates now and again.

What happens when you switch 17% abv schnapps to 70% abv Absinthe?

Well i can assure you its not a pretty site. In fairness he never got sick, but with in half an our was getting his kit off and acting like one of those pricks in the full monte. Even going as far to try and ride a married bird, who's husband is built like a brick shit house.

Angus you surpassed yourself that night.

Anyway back to Arsenal issues, i personally don't give a fuck about transfer speculation, I'm only interested when i know the contract is signed and the players are preach " i always wanted to join Arsenal, there my boy hood hero's". Boyhood hero's that are giving you a large cheque every week for more than £50,000.

So we will see who comes and who goes but for sure it will be interesting.

Later.

Belated Happy Anniversary

2009-05-27T18:33:00.003+01:00

A belated Happy Anniversary to the boys of 1989, which also saw us win the youth cup at Anfield exactly 20 years on, well done lads.

A decent win over Stoke at the weekend saw us finish on a high in what the plastic fans have said was a poor season. Two semi final appearance and a top four finish, how many pundits thought we were going to finish in the top four this season.

Bye Bye Toon Army!

Free fall all the way now for them lads.

Ladbrokes are offering 5/4 Ant to be their new messiah and 6/5 it will be Dec.

I'm a little disappointed that Phil "i stole Sam Alerdyce's microphone idea" Brown stayed up.
After all the shite he's caused this season someone one like that should be fucked out of the league.

Congrats to Burnley, on coming up, that's one hell of an achievement for a ...... (i cant rant about them, my mates missus is from Burnley and hes one of the few people who is bigger than me!)

I have no fucking interested what so ever about tonights match, i couldn't even give a flying fuck if Osama Bin Laden flew a jet into the middle of the pitch.
Instead I'm of to gate crash an Arsenal mates birthday party, get drunk and really tell him what i think about him, cause i wasnt invited. If i wasn't going to that i would watch Henrys 186 goals all over again followed by Fever Pitch.

Keep checking for updates, my awards are due soon.

Later

Im Back

2009-05-20T18:27:00.002+01:00

Apologies, massive IT problem ie PC World are a bunch of cunts when it comes to repairing your PC.

I missed a whole week, drubbing by Chelsea in fairness wasn't a bad performance just typical of the season unable to convert chances.

I went back to Old Trafford, gluten for punishment, however i did leave about 30 seconds early so i didn't have to listen to the bastards cheering.

Wengers flirting with Real Madrid seems to be over as he stated, he ain't going anywhere.

Van the man has some delays with a new contract, RVP just sign the fucking thing.

Greedybayor is looking closer and closer to him fucking off, now that would be a result.

The end of season finale on Sunday against Stoke, would some please break Delaps arms?

City want buy Messi, get fucking real, your going to be in a right fucking messy next season.

Rafa Beneathus says he will be spending big again, buying hopeless Robbie again are ye?

Until Later

Chavski at Home.

2009-05-10T13:49:00.004+01:00

A quick preview before we play the chavs.

Arshavin looks like hes out with flu, Lucky bastard cause if he went on the pitch he would be playing against a bunch of pigs and may have got the much worse swine flu.

Drogba the Diddy

After his antics on Wednesday I'm pretty sure that the referee is going to be on our side come any 50/50 incidents involving the Drog or Bollock.
To say they were out done by the ref is a fuckng joke cause the Barca player should never been sent if in the first place, anyway ha fucking ha.

The Russian Sugar Daddy Speaks

Usmanov has spoke up, we need to spend according to him "men against boys" he reckons.
Fat Russian Cunt shut the fuck up, you couldn't manage a brothel let alone a football team.
Spending doesn't guarantee success, just ask the recent Chelsea and Man city boards.
I remember the Latvian or something at Hearts in Scotland. He bought them out, put in a manager that went on a nine match 100% record, who then quit because the new owner wanted to pick the team. Hence to say they have been fucked ever since.

The Arsenal board, Hillwood et al never speak out about our performances or about our ability to compete, that's all done behind closed doors, where it should be talked about, not on fucking Sky Sports.

Herman Munster is Leaving.

Tevez has more or less given up on a career at Manure. Now even though he's played for them, i still wouldn't mind seeing him in an Arsenal shirt, he might be able to show our slackers how to play with a bit of passion and conviction.

Anyway prediction for the Chavski match, 2-1 Arsenal, strange game its like the 3rd 4th place play off of the Champions league.

Later

Hes Fucking Gay!

2009-05-09T18:55:00.006+01:00

Heres a few pics from the Blackstock Disco the other night

The Guinness gets the thumbs up

Crying not cause of the result but he'd just been refused service as he looks about 12 years old

Post Match kebabs are always lovely shame he let the side down with the can of coke!

Fucking Clown

I have no idea what so ever who this cunt is

Any way that was that

A new Ronaldo Song

Hes fucking gay

Ronaldo, hes fucking gay

How he takes it we dont know

How he takes it we dont care

All we know is he is fucking gay

Sang to the tune of "Were on our way"

Big thanks to Theo for signing another contract next up Van the Man, fingers crossed.

All we need now is Adebayor to fuck off.

Later.....

Carlos Tevez, Herman Munster Son!

2009-05-08T18:38:00.003+01:00

Well it wasn't what we expected the other night, but its time to move on, good to to see Chelsea get fucked over mind!

Below are myself and the troops from Dublin in, or as we are now know "The Blackstock Barmy Army" the video was recorded at about 3 am and the pics taken about half 2. What a fucking stupid cunt i am, i carried my camera about all day only to think that the batteries were dead and i kept forgetting to get new one. But at about half 2 in the morning(fuck knows what made me check) i decide to check the batteries, i had but them in wrong, fecking idiot, so no pics of the match just drunken madness. It has to be said, that 2 of the lads are missing from the photos/video.Fucking light weights, i wouldn't care but one of them looked liked the Honey Monster and should have been able to pack away the bevvie. The other was a premiership wanna be and rarely drank all night, but what he didn't drink we fucking certainly did.

I was a bit fucked and passed out at least twice across the night, before giving up at half 4 in the morning, fair play to the lads who went onto until 6 am and done the conga.

But better than that 2 lads stayed until 11 am! Fuck me,they never even seen their hotel, that's some fucking drinking!

Any way the video tells the story!

Here are the words to the Carlos Tevez song, pure quality!

His neck scars proves he's lost his head Tevez, Tevez,

He'll never shag a sexy bird Tevez, Tevez,

The argy twat, the ugly cunt,

they've sewn his head on back to front.

Carlos Tevez, Herman Munsters head!

Depending how you sing the song it can also end as "Herman Munsters Son"

I will upload some pic soon

Enjoy!

United and Onwards

2009-05-04T12:03:00.002+01:00

A few days without posting, due to the fact i have been laid up in bed. Turns out that Ruby Murry in Manchester gave me a lot more than the shits. Gastroenteritis, turned my stomach in to a fucking washing machine. However it does prove my point that Manchester is a shit hole.

So i missed Portsmouth, only seen the goals last night. Saint Arshavin, now fair play for the honesty but if he were playing tomorrow night and done the same thing, would you give him a pat on the back?

Ah tomorrow, well my travel plans have had a slight glitch, i have mention a certain hotel on the Seven Sisters road that i normally stay in but never mentioned its name, but i have to now after the what happened there yesterday; yep the Costello Palace, two woman found dead with "chemicals". Now that could mean a lot junkies on overdoses or suicide bombing gone wrong, who knows, my money is on the out of date beer they sell in there! Any moved hotels now!

BUNCH OF CUNTS VISITING THE EMIRATES TOMORROW NIGHT.

The scum are coming to town tomorrow, but it looks like we have Van the Man back in contention which should make a huge difference upfront, hopefully it will keep Cesc back to boss about the midfield, which in turn will allow Song to protect the defence.

It wont be easy.

I think Gibbs can keep a lid on that bally dancing cunt, provide hes not drawn in to the middle like last week and if Almunia puts in half the performance of last week, i reckon we can sneak it, maybe only 1-0 and through on pens, but i will take any result that gets us to Rome.

So Gooners time to raise the bar, lets get right behind the team, plenty of singing and shouting, lets see an atmosphere that the Emirates has never seen before!

Come on you Gunners!

Maybe a quick post from the airport tomorrow

Gunner On Tour

The Day after Old Trafford

2009-04-30T16:56:00.004+01:00

After that sleepless night, it was time to head up to the airport for flight FR666, the place was crawling with dirty mancs and I had the pleasurable company (NOT) of most of them on my flight to Brum and then on the train to Manchester, which was hardly what you could call a scenic journey.

Anyway fuck all that shite.

After arriving at Manc Piccadilly station to be greeted by my drinking buddies for the evening, one gooner and ye a fucking manc, that looked like Frank Gallagher (Social outcast from Shameless the TV programmes that highlights the similarities of Manchester to the rest of the 3rd world) it was time to check out the room, ye you know, open the door and fuck the bag in then close it again.

One thing that I do actually like about the UK is the chain of Wetherspoons pubs that sell you cheap as fuck wine, beer and spirits. Currently they have a real ale promo on where you can get a decent ale or porter for £1.69, which normally I would go for as I don’t mind a decent pint now and again, but I will stick to flavourless yellow shite called Carling for today as I plan to binge drink my way to old Trafford. A good few pints and were on our way.

Old Trafford – Theatre of diving Bally Dancing Cunt Ronaldo.

I have been here before but didn’t really remember much, except the last time I had a better view.

This is 2 rows from the back.

It was my gooner mates first time here and he was really looking forward to an “electric atmosphere” which you would expect from any home team in CL Semi, but no, the only thing that was electric here was the fucking flood lights. I have to say the only time you got a word out of the fuckers was when they scored, a couple of clapped hand for the shots by Rooney and diving cunt, but that was that. And people say the Emirates is like a library, not compared to this fucking morgue.

Okay we know what the game was like, hail Almunia the legend.

Another point to refer to is the booing of Adebayor in the second half, I was a bit shocked I don’t care how bad a player is on the night you should never boo them, anyway 30 seconds after that he got his first shot in and the boo boys turned into emphatic singers, two faced bastards. Fact when you’re playing up front on your own against manure it’s a very hard lonely job, as was the same away to Villarreal.

Match over and then for the walk back to manc central. Managed to witness an “incident” and then onward to the pub.

After match drinking in the pub.
After any match it is compulsory to drink yourself silly, I have a gold medal in this. So it started back a Wetherspoons for a drink all you can before half 11 job. Not that I should have been worried as good mate Kealo had given me a couple of tips on late bars. His first suggestion was bang on, The Salisbury, bottles of Newcastle Broon for only £2 and a bit of heavy metal music on the juke box, except for one thing, I don’t mind Metallica music but if I had managed to get my hands on the prick that played the same song at least 7 times I would have ripped the juke box off the wall and fucked it at him.

It was getting late on at I was at the stage of “I need two pieces of bread with some meat and salad stuffed in between”, which granted, opens up the world to KFC, MacDs and my favourite of all; a greasy doner kebab.

But know, I was with Ally.

Those of you who know Ally will completely understand the following.

With no burger bar or kebab shop in sight, Ally told me he was going to ask a taxi driver where the nearest one was. I have been in this position many a time with him, that I don’t bother now and before he has even asked the question I just get in the taxi and wait for the famed question-
“Can you take us to the best Indian restaurant in Manchester” (Manchester can be substituted for any major European City; we’ve been to most of them).

So we were taking down to the “Curry Mile” and sent into a restaurant that advertised that it had been on BBC programme about the “Curry Mile”, that sold it to Ally, until I pointed out that every other fucking restaurant had the same sign up, “Shut the fuck up you, and order” was the response.

Next part won’t be much of a shock either “2 cobra beers”.

Anyway what was a thoroughly delicious curry last night, has had both of us visiting the jacks on a regular basis already.

After the curry it was back to the hotel, normally in situations involving “the best curry house” were dropped in the arse end of nowhere and 6 mile walk is required home, thank fuck there was a taxi rank outside as at this point we resembled two rubber bands. Sleep.

“Good morning Ally” I said
“Fuck you, you smelly arsed cunt” he replied
“You chose the fucking curry house!” I exclaimed
“I’m going for a shit” he came back with.
“So it’s not just me then, ha ha!” Too end it.

And then we parted company heading in opposite direction to get trains and planes back home.

To Summarise
Well I had a fucking great time but I always do when me and Ally are on tour, going without each other just isn’t the same we’ve been doing this for years now, and no doubt years to come in fact its only 12 years until his son reaches drinking age and gets promoted to the ranks (that’s how long we’ve been doing this, when you can say “only 12 years”).

As for the match, we lacked something; Ade upfront on his own was hard, because our midfield got bogged down at the back cleaning up defensive errors that we rarely got going forward. Nasri and Diaby didn’t know where to play but fair play to Song and Cesc. The back 4 gave away to much space, that little cunt had load of space on the wing, however Toure done his bit. And as for Almunia, the jury has been out for years but we came to except him, but last night he joined an elite band, he put in a world class performance, something the lads down Kate’s thought he couldn’t do. Well done Almunia, Capello will be on the phone soon.

The tie is far from over but we have to up our game, if we are to progress. Bizarrely the happier of the managers will be Wenger as Fergies Fuckers should have buried the tie after 45 minutes. Anyway there is a small matter of Portsmouth to contend with this weekend, im not going but have a man at Fratton Park, I warned him that it is a sailor boy shit hole, hope he survives.

Until Next Time (probably tomorrow).

Gunner On Tour

2009-04-29T04:45:00.002+01:00

It has to be a first for me, I can’t sleep, it half past four in the morning in Dublin and I’m tossing and turning in bed. I hit the sack about half an eleven only to wake up to the mother of all fucking nightmares, it was half time at old Trafford and we were down 3- nil, holy shit!
There’s just no way I'm going to get back to sleep now.

I’m flying to Birmingham about lunchtime most people on that flight will be shitting themselves, flight number? FR 666!!! But me, no, in the last 16 in Rome, I stayed in room 666 in the hotel which was good enough to get us through on peno's.

I’m still debating on the wear colours/ no colours, as I like to travel light, but I think both plain clothes and colours will be required. Colours for the match and no colours for the after match drinking binge.According to pintprice.com the average price of a pint in Madchester is £2.50 (€3.00) but I’m sure I will find some shitty dive that’s cheaper, keeping the spending down but the drinking up.
As my good travelling buddy hails from the Channel Isles so I’m about to be awash with cheap fags also. He can buy 400 for £35(€40) on his flight to Manchester! Now that amount of cigarettes in Dublin will set you back a whopping €167, how the fuck has this country got no money with taxes like that?

For tonight’s match you can more or less guess the likely line up

Almunia, Eboue, Toure, Djouro, Gibbs(50%/50%), Song, Denilson, Fabregas, Walcott, Nasri, Abebayor.

As long as Denilson and Song hold strong at defensive midfield we can go there and nick a goal, after all the spuds went there and bagged two!

I let you know how I get on.

Gunner on Tour

2009-04-25T10:20:00.002+01:00

Well I’m a lit late with this post missed yesterday as my Internet connection was banjaxed .

Anyway i had the day of yesterday and got out of bed at a late hour. There was no bread in the press which fucked me off as I need my toast and butter in the late morning, so I headed up to the local rip off Spar to buy a loaf, I could have sworn that i seen Gareth Southgate’s name on the packaging but then I looked again and it said “Thick Cut”, a well only one letter missing.

Gareth has told the world that he couldn’t think about quitting as it would scar his kids memory, fuck I thought the fact that he was an ugly bastard would have already done that, poor little cunts are going to look like him.
Gareth people quit their jobs every day and the majority of them move on to bigger and better things but if you quit, your finished, hence the fact your prolonging the agony before you get sacked.
I can’t believed he compared quitting to suicide! Half his fucking team must be suicidal by now after working with that prick so long.
We all know why he is digging in when he should fuck off, if you quit, you get fuck all if you get the sack you get your contract paid up. How many years left 2 or 3 is it? With that sort of money you don’t need to work again, well he probably fucking wont anyway.

RVP out for the visit of Boro and also away to Manure, but good news is Manuel Almunia is back in full training and hopefully we will see him on Sunday as i don’t think Fabianski has the confidence at the moment after Chavski and the 4 goal fuck up at Scallyland, well wasn’t all his fault up there but no keeper wants to have 4 put past them, after giving away 2 goals in cup semi.
I'm still pissing myself at tractor boy Roy, people may have question the none Arsenal post, but fuck ya, "Richard Wright the goalie full of shite" and St Moritz Volz are now in the Ipswich team, so there is a couple of ex gooners to help fuck Roy up.

Later

Gunner On Tour

Keano the Tractor Boy

2009-04-23T14:18:00.005+01:00

Today i was about to lay into Garreth Southgate, but hes got lucky thank to Keanos move to Ipswich. Must be a Cork thing all them tractors and that.

Keano said

"I'm delighted to have joined Ipswich, there are lots of country lane ways where i can go dogging, er sorry walk the dog. Ipswich is a great team full of washed up premier league has beings and players that promised so much and delivered fuck all, which is just the sort of team i was looking for, as when i fuck it up, they cant put the blame on me. My first signing will be that lad (Craig Gordon)at Sunderland that i wasted 8 million quid on only for my mate Ricky to stick him on the bench. Craig son, I'm coming to your rescue! I will also sign anyone that has a grandmother from Cork, build a small rebel army and demand that Cork is made the capital of Ireland as we know it should be."

On another note Ryanair boss said he was "delighted" and "cant wait" to start charging €500 for return flights to the new Ipswich Airport he is building.

He said

" Yeha! I always new Roy would be a saviour to Ryanair. After he left Sunderland i was stuck with to many 737's, i mean every other week i ripped the piss out of Keano fans by charging them a fucking fortune to fly from Dublin and Cork to Newcastle, so i bought more planes to carry the Muppet's and i also quadrupled my bulls eye baggies order to get them all locked on the planes to take the pain out of watching that shite they call football at the Stadium of Light. But with this global economic fuck up i was starting to shit myself that the planes wouldn't be full, but thanks to Roy we can now go ahead with Ipswich International Airport. We have bought some land from Farmer Giles, hes going to give us a hand to get things up and running for the next home fixture against Coventry. With the runway not due to be built until 2082, Mr Giles has kindly donated a field to land the planes on, he has also provided an old cattle shed that will serve as the terminal building and he will push back the planes with his tractor, all in all very similar to the current Ryanair experience. So Keano fans, book on line now before i double the price!"

One things for sure Gunner On Tour can now go to the away match at Sunderland next season(maybe not, as they might join Roy in the Championship) without the fear off sitting with a load of plastic football fans and without O'leary charging a fucking fortune.

Until Tomorrow

Gunner On Tour

4-4 at Shitfield

2009-04-22T13:16:00.003+01:00

Well that was some game! I was a tad of the mark with my 2-1 prediction but i was right that with out Gerrard the pool would concede goals. Everyone thinks him as an attacking midfielder but in fairness he does a bit more than that by making the pool donkeys at the back look good, pity Fabregas couldn't do the same!

The score line flatters Liverpool a bit as we clearly gifted them 3 goals, we looked shaky at the back but at least the Pole stayed in the goal. Manure will pish all over us next week unless we tighten up.

I know we play great football but i don't give a flying shite if we aim for row z at the opposite end of the ground when it comes to clearing the ball from our own box.

Arshavin is proving his worth, what a great way to say to Wenger "You wont leave me on the bench again!"

The pub was quite busy last night but it was dubiously filled with "neutral" colours before kick off leading to my paranoia that they were all scousers, one of the lads said we would find out when Arsenal scored the first goal; and we did, silence from the scouse cunts, which aloud me to run at them at a hundred miles an hour pissing my hole laughing at them.

Rule Number One in an Arsenal Bar.

If you are supporting the opposition don't turn up. If you do turn up, sit in the corner and keep the mouth shut or i will shut it for you.

I'm told that Kates Cottage will be manc free next week, a massive gunners crowd is expected, so i urge you all to turn up wearing YELLOW, firstly because its an away match and secondly in a crowded room we will be able to play spot the manc, if one of them is stupid enough to sneak in however you probably smell the shit before you see him, either fuck him/them out.

Next up is the Boro and Southgate at least the team is like the mangers name, because they are definitely heading fucking south and i don't mean to the Emirates. If they go down i cant see them returning, their more likely to do a Charlton and forget to pull the cord on the parachute and keep going down.

Until Tomorrow

Gunner On Tour

Its Up For Grabs Now...

2009-04-21T12:49:00.004+01:00

Well maybe not for Arsenal, but playing at Anfield tonight should bring back the memories of 20 years ago when we went there and won the league.

The scousers will be well up for it tonight and it should be a cracker, one thing about Pool is without Gerrard they always concede, so let hope we fuck up their aspirations to be champions, but then again that leaves it to scum to walk away with it i hate being stuck between a rock and hard place.

I'm not traveling to this match tonight, but a couple of mates are using my tickets, I hope they get to see another victory, one things for sure they better watch their motor -

Old Scouse Joke
Little Scouse Fucker "Mister do you need some one to look after your car?"
Mister "No kid the dog will look after it"
Little Scouse Fucker "Mister can the dog put out fires?"

Liverpool is also the only city in Europe where you want to be clamped, it stop the fuckers from putting you car on bricks.

There shouldn't be any trouble at tonight's match as all the Scouse fuckers will be saying "calm down, calm down, alright calm down"

I'm predicting an Arsenal win of 2-1 providing the Pole stays in the goal.

See you in Kates Cottage.

Gunner On Tour

A Strange old week.

2009-04-19T15:01:00.000+01:00

Its normally a game two halves but it was also certainly a week of two halves as well. After a glorious performance in mid week against Villareal it all went to pot on Saturday against Chavski.

Arsenal v Villareal. 15th April 2009

Well what a game! I don't know where to start. It was a long old day for Gunner On Tour with am early start for the flight to Gatwick which was delayed for an hour, but that extra time gave me and the lads much need extra drinking time at the airport.
Once arrived in London it was up to the ground to collect the tickets, its not the same, you don't feel right until that piece of paper is in your hand. Anyway the offices were closed and didn't open until 6 p.m. which partially screwed up the plans for the day, well my drinking plans anyway. After not collecting the tickets that afternoon it was time time to check into Fawlty Towers, believe me this is Fawlty Tours, without mentioning any names it is on the Seven Sisters Road up from the Twelve Pins, it has strangely became a second home for me over the years for some reason it keeps drawing me back.
Well all settled into the room i.e. open the door and fuck the bag in, it was down to the pins for the pre match beers. Once all the troops had met up it was down the road to The Gunners Bar for some pre match singing which only include a rendition of Arsenal Number Nine and a couple of Eboue songs, sad as we are that's all we seem to muster up at the moment, well Sean anyway, the leader of the Choir of rough Dub voices.

Sean get another fucking song will you!

I don't have to go into the match as you would have all seen it but we had our usual cracking view in Block 117 in the upper tier above the away fans, where Sean and his heavies continued belting out Eddie and Eboue songs.

Sean get another fucking song!

I was a bit pleased with myself as i predict the 3-0 scoreline in my last post prior to the match. First blog prediction gives me 100% record, happy days.

After the match it became a late one in the Blackstock for most of us, while 3 of the number headed back to Stansted, fair play,they had to get the the first flight back in the morning and back to work, except Sean who is paid by the state to watch Sky Sports all day.

Thursday was a bit frantic as the scramble to book the flight for the away leg at Old Crappord. As Dublin is full of fucking scum most of those cunts take up all the cheap seats to Manchester, well fuck you lot i got a cheap flight to Birmingham and will train it up to the Northern shit hole.

With so many flight to London it was relatively cheap to fly to Gatwick again for the second leg. I'm looking forward to both legs and I'm pretty confident that we will fuck them over.

Arsenal v Chelsea. FA Cup Semi 18th April.

Before the match i really thought we could make the final confidence was and we were playing great football, that continued up until Theo scored but after that we were a fucking nightmare and Fabianski looked like a Sunday league goalie. Tired and jaded is no real excuse but chin up we got some great games coming up, with us still having to play the top 3 we will have a big say in where the title goes.

Until Later

Gunner On Tour

Villarreal @ Home

2009-04-14T14:44:00.000+01:00

After last weeks trip to Villarreal and the piss poor view we had of the match, im much looking forward to my normal seating area back at The Emirates, which just like last week is above the Villarreal fans.

As the pre match ritual goes, beverages will be consumed in the twelve pins, there are 14 in our travelling party, which gives me ample oppertunity to talk up my drinking ability in Spain and rub it in on just how cheap the beers were.

Im flying fisher price airlines from Dublin for the match, these flight are generally on time allowing the the most annoying cabin crew play the most stupid jingle ever, oh the joy of of cheap air travel, more on them later.

In the match it self were likely to see their midfield crumble with no Senna and i just think we will have to much for them at home provided the library croud get behind the team.

Prediction 3-0 Arsenal if not more.

Until Thursday or Friday depending on the hangover.

Why Now?

2009-04-12T14:44:00.000+01:00

Its a bit fucking stupid starting a blog about Arsenal away matches when we are approaching the end of the season, but by the time i get the hang off this shite and learn to type with more than just one finger it should be approximately August just in time for Arsenal's first away trip, probably in some northern shite hole around the north west or god forbid the north east, but then Shearer, Southgate and that pleb with the stupid name who runs the makams should all be safely in the Championship.

There will be nothing better than watching Alan "elbow man" Shearer fuck up his boyhood heros, but then Keegan the bottler made a good start at his second atempt.

I fucking hate Geordies.

Until later.
G.O.T.